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In My Ass (2014)
In My Ass 2014 was the fourth edition of the annual In My Ass event, held on July 8, 2014. The show was highlighted by such matches as Sheamus putting his WWE Championship and Prankster Ben putting his World Heavyweight Championship on the line against J-Pac in a Triple Threat match to crown an undisputed champion, Brock Lesnar facing off against The Undertaker, and Walter P. Wiley battling brother Winslow J. Wiley with DEFAULT as the guest referee. __TOC__ Background With Diaz's Fuck Fest X officially a part of history, Commissioner Barkley declared that this would be the dawning of a new era for SvR06. At the biggest event of the year, three competitors managed to capture the top prizes in the world. But only one of these men will be able to declare themselves the undisputed SvR06 World Heavyweight Champion come In My Ass. As his partnership with Skates has come to an end once again, Prankster Ben looks to reestablish himself as a top draw. Winning this bout would certainly put him at the very top of the game. Sheamus had the luck of the Irish on his side as he cashed in his Money in the Bank contract on J-Pac to win the WWE belt. J-Pac, of the three in this match, has the most to gain as he enters without either championship around his waist. Sheamus has boldly disregarded J-Pac as a threat, touting that it only took him 13 seconds to claim the title from his opponent at The Fest. The Celtic Warrior said that Infinity Kid is fitting, considering J-Pac could have been counted out for an infinity after receiving a Brogue Kick. At In My Ass, these three combatants will have one of biggest opportunities laid in front of them. Will Prankster Ben take advantage of his bickering opposition, will Sheamus once again display why it only took him 13 seconds to win his respective gold in the first place, or will J-Pac be taken for granted enough to take down his unsuspecting enemy. Either way, someone will find themselves crowned the first-ever unified, undisputed, undeniable SvR06 World Heavyweight Champion. At Diaz's Fuck Fest X, Brock Lesnar was issued his first pinfall defeat at the hands of J-Pac. Lesnar spiraled into a fit of rage that couldn't even be contained by WPW figurehead Walter P. Wiley. Without Walter in power, the beast found no use for his former employer and broke free of the former commissioner's chains. At the same event, we saw The Undertaker return in the vessel of Jimmy Hart. The Deadman laid to rest his bitter rivalry with Vigo the Carpathian, ending his year-long undefeated streak. Emerging from the grave with an unquenchable desire for mustard and nice asses, the Demon of Death Valley made it clear that he was back to stay. However, an unconstrained animal immediately stood in his path with destruction on his mind. Lesnar viewed Undertaker as a problem, an opposing force potentially greater than him. And as a problem, Lesnar felt an inclination to eliminate The Phenom. As a gravelly voice inquired, "You wanna do it?" it was clear that this match was on. With no winning streaks to consider and nothing to lose, two of the most dominant forces in the history of SvR06 will face off in a battle of the ages sure to boost the ratings for the big event wind-down show. DEFAULT went into his match with his uncle, Winslow J. Wiley, hoping to prove that he didn't need his warped guidance to be successful. After being defeated on the biggest stage in SvR06, DEFAULT seemed to reconsider his current outlook on his career. Following the match, Winslow once again set his sights on finally doing away with his crooked brother. Commissioner Barkley, despite fearing what may happen if he places these two siblings in the ring, finally decided to make the match official after his future step-father Triple H persuaded him that it would be best for business. The King of Kings also felt that it would draw even bigger ratings if DEFAULT was made the special guest referee, although Barkley didn't seem to agree with putting such combustible elements into one match. At In My Ass, the line has officially been drawn. DEFAULT must finally choose, once and for all, where his allegiances lie. With his father, Walter, or with his uncle, Winslow. At one time, DEFAULT was on top of the world, representing it as its heavyweight champion. Now, DEFAULT finds himself stuck in the middle of a family feud so big that even Razor Ramon can't sort it out. Which Wiley will come out a winner when DEFAULT has the fate of the match in his claws? Chris Jericho was unsuccessful in proving to be better than Canada when he was defeated by Bret Hart, a loss that he has blamed exclusively on Mark Jindrak. Nevertheless, Jericho boldly stated that it doesn't change the fact that Y2Jindrak is the best tag team in the world at what they do. The dysfunctional duo of Reefer Madness had other thoughts on the matter, however. The two proclaimed themselves to be the world's best tag team, although neither could agree on who the true team captain was. The team's dissension only grew when Macho's newly-purchased 100 pack of Slim Jim's went missing. Jericho then revealed shocking footage of Van Dam devouring each one during a massive munchy attack. To prove who the greatest team in the world truly is, both champions agreed to put their gold on the line in a title unification match. Can Reefer Madness manage to work together long enough to become undisputed SvR06 Tag Team Champions or will Y2Jindrak see to it that this is their feuding foes last hit? Vigo the Carpathian may have lost possession of The Undertaker's body after a year of terror in SvR06, but he has made it perfectly clear that his twisted work is far from done. Dynamite Derek also was on the losing end at the biggest event of the year, but that didn't stop him from keeping his Justice Bros intact. In fact, Dynamite feels that his triumphant tandem of caped crusaders is stronger than ever. This sparked the interest of the vile Vigo, who was incensed that people would hail a masked do-gooder like Dynamite Derek rather than a conquering overlord like himself. The cruel Carpathian vowed from this moment forward to destroy every hero the people have chosen to praise above him. With this act of desolation, Vigo can take one step closer to claiming the world as his kingdom. Dynamite Derek has refused to stand down, however, although nobody would really blame him if he did. It's not wise to stand in the warpath of a mad Moldavian. Following the Fest, Kane Paul decided it was time to refocus his efforts on becoming SvR06's first World champion with a politician for a father, a feat that Chelsea Clinton has recently expressed interest in accomplishing. With that, Kane sent Coach D on his way and closed the book on the team known as Feel the Burn. Distraught, Coach D headed home and hasn't been seen since. While delivering a gripping promo on taxation, a man in a trench coat with a painted face descended from the rafters. Before the Devil's Favorite Libertarian could say a word, the mysterious figure pointed a chicken bone at him. It's clear that this gesture indicates a challenge for a bout that we can only assume will take place at In My Ass. Kane Paul hopes to get a little payback for the interruption by this newcomer, the man known as Wing. After losing seven consecutive matches at the biggest show of the year, Drew finally managed to score a victory at Diaz's Fuck Fest. His vindication was bittersweet, however, as his attempt to destroy the Justice Bros was ultimately a failure. Following the match, Drew claimed that he was spoken to by the voice of God. God told him that if he didn't change his wicked ways, he would be damned to darkness for all eternity. In response to this miraculous meeting, Drew told God that he sucks. The former disco dancer made it clear that nobody who makes him lose for so many years and then prevents the Justice Bros from disintegrating is worth worshiping. With that, Drew set forth to create a new and far radder church and named himself the first ordained minister of Drewdaism. Now, Reverend Drew looks to dispose of those whom he considers to be unholy. Josh the Cat ranked highly on his list, for as the reverend put it, "Furries are freaking weirdos." Aiding him in his crusade are two gentlemen who have recently battled the purring pest. Funding the newly-established church with their massive fortune, Reverend Drew has christened these two associates as his Acolytes: Bradshaw and Chance. Even with Jushin Tiger on hand for moral support, Josh the Cat may need a miracle to withstand the reckoning bestowed upon him by the Church of Drewdaism. At Diaz's Fuck Fest X, the blinded antics of Count Out somehow managed to help Goldust capture his first singles championship in SvR06. Tajiri, in a fit of rage, blamed Wrestler: Unstoppable and WPW as a whole for this defeat. With that, Tajiri elected to go off on his own. Unstoppable also decided to pursue new endeavors, such as seeing if he could manage to woo every woman on the face of the planet. But before he embarks on this journey, he'll have to face the Bisexual Blood Sucker in one final battle. Count Out, still as blind as a bat, has insisted that he wants to have this match. To even the odds, Commissioner Barkley decided that Double-O Seven will also not have the ability to see in this bout. For the first time ever in SvR06, we will see Count Out and Wrestler: Unstoppable in a Blindfold match at In My Ass. Triple H shocked the world, and especially Commissioner Barkley, when he announced his courtship to Barkley's mother at Diaz's Fuck Fest X. At In My Ass, The Game is rumored to make yet another announcement live on Hitbox. What will the King of Kings have to say for himself this time? Will the Cerebral Assassin manage to provide a moment equally as shocking as his last? Will he add a new nickname to his extensive, ego-inflating Rolodex? Find out at In My Ass! Results The annual In My Ass returned tonight, acting as the launching pad for a "new era" of SvR06. Find out what happened on a night where titles were unified, positions were filled, and asses were occupied by referee Earl Hebner. To kick off the night of excitement, both sets of tag team titles were on the line as newly-crowned World Tag Team Champions Reefer Madness faced off against WWE Tag Team Champions Y2Jindrak. In what can only be described as a cardiac clinic, RVD and Macho Man didn't quite seem to be on the same page. However, after a fateful split-legged moonsault, the dysfunctional duo of Van Dam and Savage became the official SvR06 Tag Team Champions. After the bout, Jericho placed the blame entirely on Mark Jindrak. To everyone's surprised, Jindrak pushed his tag partner to the floor. It seems that the alliance of Y2Jindrak is officially at an end. For the first time ever, fans were treated to a Blindfold match featuring Count Out and Wrestler: Unstoppable. Count Out, still blinded by Tajiri's mist, managed to compensate for his lack of vision through the use of sonar. Wrestler, on the other hand, at one point heard the referee counting out the Vivacious Vampire and presumed it to be the count himself. Even his new squeeze, Joy Giovanni, was mistaken for each other's opponent at one point. Despite the lack of eyesight, Wrestler: Unstoppable still managed to see his way to victory via countout. Vigo the Carpathian, now in a new body, looked to work his way back to the top by challenging the biggest hero in SvR06: Dynamite Derek. Unfortunately for the Carpathian, his strength left much to be desired after taking hold of Jimmy Hart's corporeal vessel. After an endless barrage of speedy offense, Dynamite Derek scored a huge victory over the former Vigotaker. Triple H came to the ring to make a major announcement regarding the future of SvR06. In a move that nobody saw coming, he appointed Kane Paul as CEO, Tajiri as head of sales and marketing, and Warrior as the head of talent relations. These members of Upper Management would keep their roles as in-ring competitors, however, and will have William Regal on commentary for all of their matches. Commissioner Barkley objected to this move, reminding his stepfather that he doesn't have the authority to make such decisions. Triple H countered by making Barkley out to be uncaring about the success of the company, which would mean he wouldn't want his pops to be financially successful. Which would ultimately mean that Helmsley wouldn't be able to provide for Charles' mother. After consideration, Barkley decided to allow Triple H's decisions to stand. After being announced as the new CEO of the company, Kane Paul faced off against the debuting Wing. The newest addition to the roster looked strong in the early-going, until Upper Management commentator William Regal left his position at the broadcast desk to distract the Winger. Inevitably, this allowed Kane to deliver a devastating chokeslam and pick up the victory, much to the joy and admiration of Regal. After years of watching his family battle it out, DEFAULT finally found himself in the middle of a rock and a hard place. Refereeing a match-up between his uncle and his father proved to be the most difficult task of his entire career. On one claw, he had his uncle who had supported him and pushed for his success for ages, yet had recently changed his tactics into a more cutthroat method that saw his nephew brutalized and defeated by his own hand at the biggest show of the year. On the other, there was his father who had rejected and made life miserable for him time and time again, yet longed for his dominant son's assistance in order to bring more success his way. The Wiley brothers battled back and forth, tearing each other limb from limb. In the end, Walter laid Winslow out with a flurry of punches and went for the cover. DEFAULT repeatedly hesitated, but finally slapped his claw to the mat three times. The youngest Wiley held his head and walked away, clearly ashamed of what he'd done. Brock Lesnar looked to remedy the loss of his title and winning streak by taking on the recently risen Undertaker. The two certainly didn't wait to "do it" and proceeded to square off in one of the hardest-hitting matches the league has ever seen. Although Brock appeared more powerful than the Phenom at many points in the bout, an earth-shattering Tombstone laid Lesnar to rest for the three count. The unleashed beast seemed even more infuriated than we've seen up to this point. Now that Lesnar is riding solo, one can only feel worse for whomever finds themselves in his path following a loss. Reverend Drew of the Church of Drewdaism, with one-half of his acolytes Chance, faced off against the immoral Josh the Cat. Drew attempted to reason with his feline foe throughout the contest, proclaiming that he could give him the same "chance" he gave the former DCR. Right when it seemed the revolting reverend had gotten into the cat's head, he locked his furry foot in the Communion Clutch and submitted him as Chance waved pamphlets in his face about their upcoming church picnic. In the main event of the evening, Prankster Ben put his World Heavyweight Championship on the line against Sheamus and his WWE Championship with J-Pac looking to win both titles in one night. The three put everything on the line to become SvR06's true champion. While the referee was out of commission, J-Pac submitted Ben in the middle of the ring. As the contest raged on, Sheamus obtained the upper hand and landed a spine-quivering Irish Curse on the Infinity Kid to score the victory and to become the undisputed SvR06 World Heavyweight Champion. Triple H awarded the belts to the Celtic Warrior, giving him an assuring thumbs up of approval to close the show.